Thursday, June 04, 2009

Everyday another issue. Trying to resolve.
Tryna keep this love and relationship afloat.
sometimes i dont know what im doing anymore .
we talk and talk about it . we tell eachother we're going to try harder . then . it never happens .
iv come to discover that nothing will ever change . though , everything has changed . and left me missing what use to be .
fight .. fight .. fight . i dont actually think he cares anymore . today we faught . i told him everything i really felt; how i dont feel like he cares anymore and how it seems that all he wants is to fight... all he did was act like a smartass .
i honestly dont think he cares.. then i tell him i dont know if we should stay together . because this is all we'v become . and he says "fine. leave" i really really dont think he cares . i dont think he's ever tried to hold me back usually its just leave, i dont care. idontcare... *sigh. i use to be able to say "yes . he loves me without a doubt" now i just dont know . he wouldnt even care if i left him . i miss him .. alot . he isnt who he is . he's all wierd . we made up today and he went to work . i sat at home waiting for him to finish work and when he did i was so happy to hear from him . then i teased him n was laughing about some thing mom told me about work , i wanned to tell him the story i heard. so i was laughing n teasinng cause mom was joking saying not to tell him ( i was going to ..) then he just .. hangs up .
im not alowed to get angry at him .
i didnt know i wasnt allowed to joke around too .
i asked him.. to try and help me through what we're going to . because i dont want to lose him .
but i honestly dont think he cares nor is he even thinking about trying .
he rang back n i told him how cut i was and that i was only joking around.
so i try to forget about it n continue with the story and he kept interrupting me n i was like wthell bb just wait til i finish the story ? n he's like jst get to the point . so i told him . n then hes like oh howd tht happen ? n i was like oh so i can tell the story now ? u said to get to the point . and then he got angry at me for being sarcastic (i forgot i cant be sacrastic either..) then we jst sat in silence . so i told him ill talk to him later . and then he rang back n said sorry . i wasnt angry .. he thinks i was thats why i was so quiet .
i wasnt angry though .
i was jst disapointed, hit with the realisation that .
nothing will ever change .

i really really love him ... i just wish i felt he loved me back .. even sometimes would be ok .
ya kno ?
au revoir

No comments:

Post a Comment